some written jokes

[ashraf3h4]

hello every body
here 're some jokes
to try to draw alittle smile on our lips
in these hard days
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A man was invited to a friend's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. He was impressed, since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years, you still call your wife those pet names." His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago."
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One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find that her 7-year-old grandson had made her coffee! Smiling, she choked down the worst cup of her life. When she finished, she found three little green Army men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked, "Honey, what are these Army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson answered, "Like is says on TV, Grandma -- 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"
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Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Timmy tearfully, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Little Timmy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
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Quick Wit:
Children were called upon a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack, a slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a sentence with the words "Defeat,"
"Defense," "Deduct," and "Detail."
Jack stood thinking for a while, all eyes focused on him while his classmates awaited his reply. Smiling, he then proudly shouted out, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail."
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A new teacher started her class by saying, "everyone who thinks they're stupid can stand up." After a few seconds, little Johnny stood. "Do you think you"re stupid, little Johnny?" she asked. "No ma'am," he replied," but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

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A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this, then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Looking stunned, he said, "What?" : Obviously written by a woman!
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A young man comes across an old man sitting on a park bench, crying. When he asks him why, the old man replies, "I have a beautiful, 27-year-old wife waiting for me at home." Of course the young man is confused. He asks, "Why are you crying because you have a beautiful, 27-year-old wife waiting for you at home?" The old man looks up and cries out, "I can't remember where I live!!"
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A hospital surgeon told his patient: "I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The patient said, "Give me the bad news first." The doctor said, "We are going to have to amputate your feet. The patient said, "That's terrible! What's the good news?" The doctor said, "The patient in the next room wants to buy your slippers."
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