How to protect our families from the Fire (2/6)
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
A man should be forgiving and should entertain their questions and objections to what he says with a smiling face. They should try to give them the information in the correct manner.
Ibn Abu Mulaykah, may Allah have mercy on him, reported that whenever ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, would hear about something she would ask about it in order to understand it correctly, and that the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Whoever is thoroughly examined regarding their accounting will be punished.” ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said: “Did not Allah the Exalted Say (what means): "He will be judged with an easy account" [Qur’an, Surah Al-Inshiqaq, 84:8]” He, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “That is when the actions are presented. However, whoever is thoroughly examined with regards to their accounting will be destroyed.[1]”
Thus, there are some people who will be accounted in an easy manner. They will not be asked about every minor and major sin that they did. Their accounting will end very swiftly and they will proceed to Paradise. As for those who are examined about their actions, and are asked about all major and minor sins that they did, they will be destroyed and punished. We ask Allah the Exalted for safety and protection.
Here we have ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, despite being a woman, asking her husband, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, regarding issues that were confusing to her. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to answer her questions. Our women should follow in the footsteps of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, by asking about matters pertaining to their religion, and our men should follow in the footsteps of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, by teaching their women.
Actually, ignorance that overtakes a wife, daughter, and sister due to the negligence of the man might actually affect them even in their grave. ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that when ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, was killed, Hafsah, may Allah be pleased with her, cried for him. At that, he, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “Stop, O young woman! Do you not know that Allah’s Messenger, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘The dead person would be punished due to their family crying over them.[2]’
Scholars have various ways of interpreting this Hadeeth, and of the strongest views is that they are punished in their graves if they knew that it was the practice of their family to wail but neglected teaching them regarding the prohibition of wailing and did not prevent them from doing so before they died. If that is so, they would be punished in their graves due to their wailing over them, and this is a good interpretation of the Hadeeth, and it reconciles between it and when Allah the Exalted Said (what means): "No bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another." [Qur’an, Surah Al-An’am, 6:164]
A man must ask about the issues that their family needs to know but they do not know. We are very pleased when we hear of men going to people of knowledge and asking questions pertinent to their women, such as matters of purity dealing with natural blood, rulings of her relatives, whom she must cover in front of, and whom she does not need to cover in front of.
Whenever a man does this, it shows that they are keen regarding their family, and are keen on implementing when Allah the Exalted Said (what means): "O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones. " [Qur’an, Surah At-Tahrim, 66:6] So, they are certain of the responsibility and feel it, which is why they ask regarding rulings for their wives.
At the end of this section, it is appropriate to give advice that the following matters be taught to the family:
As for the Qur’an, they should be made to memorize whatever they need in order for their prayers to be sound and can be used to be implemented during their lives, such as Juz’ ‘Amma and Tabaarak, Soorat Al-Kahf, An-Noor, and Al-Hujuraat, while also knowing the explanation of what they memorize.
A student of knowledge asked a teacher before traveling, saying: “My teacher, what do you advise me to do?” He said: “I advise you to stay connected with the Book of Allah the Exalted through recitation, reflection, memorization, and knowing its explanation.” This is one of the most comprehensive advice that we should raise our families upon.
We must establish a close connection with the Book of Allah the Exalted, and we should be keen regarding bringing the Qur’an and the Sunnah of our Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, alive in our lives. Allah the Exalted Said (what means):
"And remember what is recited in your houses of the verses of Allah and wisdom." [Qur’an, Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:34]
Wisdom here means the Sunnah.
In the field of Hadeeth, then the book Al-Arba’een An- Nawawiyyah should be explained to them, and they should be urged to memorize it. In ‘Aqeedah, we should teach them an easy book, such as 200 Questions and Answers regarding ‘Aqeedah by Haafith Al-Hakami, may Allah have mercy on him.
In jurisprudence, we should teach them the characteristics of ablution and prayer of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, as well as matters pertaining to women, such as Hijaab, adornments, and issues pertaining to menstruation.
One should not neglect teaching the biography of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, especially to young kids. Admonishment and reminders should have a specific focus in our lessons. The lessons should not be turned into simply imparting information wherein the opinions of various scholars are mentioned, but one forgets to mention the Lord the Giver. Many people are driven away by their dull knowledge from finding mistakes and illnesses in their hearts. Hearts become rusty, and its rust is removed through remembrance of Allah the Exalted.
It is important that when teaching our children, the effort should be consistent and not inconsistent. The class should have an appointed time that is weekly, and the entire family is instructed to attend and no one may be absent. This class should be a regular occurrence in our homes for the lifetime.
Enjoining them to perform obligations and supervising them:
The head of the household should be diligent with regards to the obligations and following up with their spouse and children. They should also be watchful over them to see if they are performing the obligations, especially prayer. They should urge them to establish the prayer with its pillars, conditions, obligations, and voluntary actions at their appointed times, especially Fajr prayer.
Shaykh ‘Abd Al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, may Allah have mercy on him, was asked: “If a person has a class in the mosque after Fajr, and they go out to the prayer while their family is sleeping, must they go back and wake their family, even if they miss some parts of the class, or if they miss the entire class? Or, should he sit in the class?” He said: “He must go back, because ordering his family to pray is obligatory, while attending the class is voluntary. They should not give precedence to a voluntary action over an obligatory one; he must go home and wake his family.”
The unfortunate reality is that people do not take proper care regarding the prayers of our families and children and there is a great deal of negligence. Do you know, O guardian who is responsible, how to teach your child to pray? Our children learn how to pray from each other. They all look at one another and imitate each other. Besides, children are not taught the importance of concentration in the prayer and implementation of the voluntary actions therein. We should ask why they do not learn from their fathers and guardians.
[1] Reported by Al-Bukhari (103) and Muslim (2876).
[2] Reported by Al-Bukhari (1288) and Muslim (927).